So you know how I started going on about how I think I'm bipolar?
Well I think it actually is borderline personality disorder.
Diagnosis: A person with a borderline personality disorder often experiences a repetitive pattern of disorganization and instability in self-image,
mood, behavior and close personal relationships. This can cause significant distress or impairment in friendships and work.
A person with this disorder can often be bright and intelligent, and appear warm, friendly and competent. They sometimes can maintain this appearance for a number of years until their defense structure crumbles, usually around a stressful situation like the breakup of a romantic relationship or the death of a parent.
Symptoms:
Relationships with others are intense but stormy and unstable with marked shifts of feelings and difficulties in maintaining intimate, close connections. The person may manipulate others and
often has difficulty with trusting others. There is also emotional instability with marked and frequent shifts to an empty lonely depression or to irritability and anxiety. There may be unpredictable and impulsive behavior which might include
excessive spending, promiscuity, gambling, drug or alcohol abuse, shoplifting,
overeating or physically self-damaging actions such as suicide gestures. The person may show inappropriate and intense anger or rage with temper tantrums, constant brooding and resentment, feelings of deprivation, and a loss of control or fear of loss of control over angry feelings.
There are also identity disturbances with confusion and uncertainty about self-identity, sexuality, life goals and values, career choices, friendships. There is a deep-seated feeling that one is flawed, defective, damaged or bad in some way, with a tendency to go to extremes in thinking, feeling or behavior. Under extreme stress or in severe cases there can be brief psychotic episodes with loss of contact with reality or bizarre behavior or symptoms.
Even in less severe instances, there is often significant disruption of relationships and work performance. The depression which accompanies this disorder can cause much suffering and can lead to serious suicide attempts.
More random shit:
- While a person with depression or bipolar disorder typically endures the same mood for weeks, a person with BPD may experience intense bouts of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last only hours, or at most a day.
- Distortions in cognition and sense of self can lead to frequent changes in long-term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, gender identity, and values.
- They may feel unfairly misunderstood or mistreated, bored, empty, and have little idea who they are. Such symptoms are most acute when people with BPD feel isolated and lacking in social support, and may result in frantic efforts to avoid being alone.
- Fears of abandonment seem to be related to difficulties feeling emotionally connected to important persons when they are physically absent, leaving the individual with BPD feeling lost and perhaps worthless.
- BPD often occurs together with other psychiatric problems, particularly bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety disorders, substance abuse, and other personality disorders. [So I guess I could have both.]
Yes. To all of the above.
I don't think it's Girl, Interrupted severe, but I think that's what's wrong with me.
Cause there's been something wrong with me for years now.
I think it's only at its worst when I'm isolate, like now.
I wouldn't dare tell anyone I feel this way though because they wouldn't believe me since I always cover it up when I'm around people. I usually am happy, though. But I have this totally different person underneath that takes over every once in awhile that NO ONE knows about.
I'm done.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
